Helldivers 2’s Bravest Deployed A Black Hole That Definitely Won't Backfire On Them

The valiant Helldivers 2 community spent the weekend snuffing out the supercolony of Terminids that overtook the remote planet of Meridia. The victory has been immortalized with the creation of a Black Hole in distant space, an anomaly that is most definitely a good thing for the continued fight for democracy. Yep. That’s not weird, and there’s absolutely no way this could backfire on Super Earth at all.

The most recent major order in Helldivers 2, dubbed “Operation Enduring Peace,” tasked players with eradicating those pesky bugs from Meridia through some unusual means: the deployment of a brand new WMD (short for Weapon of Mass Democracy) called the Dark Fluid.

Helldivers keeping up with Super Earth’s latest scientific strides may remember that last week a research facility for the “volatile, exotic material” recently resulted in the unfortunate spaghettification of 12 Super Earth scientists on the planet Moradesh. It seems that these NPCs’ brave sacrifice wasn’t for naught, as players managed to use the now “well-understood alien superweapon” against the evils that threaten humanity.

A message shared with players Sunday thanked them for their courage and determination in arming the devastating weapon on Meridia.

“The planet Meridia was successfully collapsed into a Black hole, destroying the super colony and its mutated strain of Terminids. Concerns of unforeseeable impacts from the use of Dark Fluid have proved largely unfounded experts say, with only minor spacetime distortions observed in the area surrounding the singularity.”

Despite reassurances from Super Earth HQ, dissenters within the Helldivers have shared baseless, irrational concerns about what’s to come next. Those visiting the Black hole where enemy forces once thrived have reported haunting, whale-like noises emanating from the hallowed site of unequivocal victory.

Instead of savoring the tranquility of silenced enemies, they’ve peddled poppycock about the return of The Illuminate, an old, long-extinct threat that Super Earth conquered over a century ago.

The Illuminate, also known as the Squ’ith, is a technologically advanced alien faction featured in the first Helldivers. While some players claim they’ve seen evidence of the old enemy on the frontlines of the current Galactic Conflict back in March, in the form of blue lasers in the sky. But Super Earth’s top brass have said definitively that there’s nothing to worry about. Leaks of classified evidence proving their existence and inevitable return should be disregarded by those who consider themselves true defenders of the planet.

Obviously, there’s no way the Illuminate can return. While they fought long and hard in those historic, glorious years of the first Helldivers conflict, humanity ultimately prevailed against the intelligent, multi-armed race in 2184, more than a century ago. And we all know that once humanity puts a permanent end to an enemy, that end is forever.

Sure, there have been some unforeseen developments in recent months. Who can forget when the Automatons conducted a cowardly sneak attack using the largest fleet Super-Earth has ever seen just days after Helldivers celebrated their permanent disassembly? Or when the Termicide unexpectedly gave birth to a new, flying Terminid in March?

Unlike that incident, however, Super Earth's high command is thoroughly confident of the Helldivers’ recent win over the bugs. Everlasting peace is finally within grasp so long as armed forces aren’t distracted by alleged tall tales of a new enemy faction entering the fray. Super God himself stands with us, and he wouldn’t abandon his people and their armed forces so close to the finish line.

As the brave men and women eliminate the last vestiges of the Automatons elsewhere in the galaxy, why not jog your memory of Super Earth’s incredible history by reading an interview with a founding member of our award-winning, unbiased media apparatus, or relive how the planet overcame the great division that almost divided the planet’s armed forces.