Which Empty Castle Should Bronn Take in 'Game of Thrones?'

Most Game of Thrones characters strive for some combination of power and glory for their family legacy. Bronn, however, is a man of simple taste: He just wants gold, a girl, and a castle.

In Season 5, he almost achieved this goal with his short-lived engagement to the show’s most underrated character Lollys Stokeworth. Unfortunately, Jaime Lannister showed up to recruit Bronn to be his literal right-hand man, interfering with this grand plan.

Ever since, Bronn has sighed his way through doing dirty and dangerous jobs for Jaime, always with his eye on the end prize. Luckily, Season 7 has made it a lot easier for him to get a castle. Because the plot is hurtling forward so quickly, entire families have been wiped out and Game of Thrones hasn’t bothered to stop and explain exactly who is now presiding over their lands.

Just take a look at this map outlining castles where nobody is home:

Season 7 is filled with empty castles: the Boltons are dead, so there’s presumably nobody ruling Dreadfort. Arya wiped out the Freys, so nobody is in charge of the Twins. It’s anybody’s guess who the hell is in charge of Dorne now.

It’s bad for these fallen houses, but it’s great for the mercenary who has always wanted a castle of his own. Let’s go castle shopping for Bronn.

1. The Dreadfort

The Dredfort is the domain of House Bolton, which is gone thanks to Sansa Stark feeding its last member to his own dogs. Presumably Sansa now gets to rule Dreadfort, but that hasn’t been mentioned. Also, she likely doesn’t want to. Assuming it’s up for grabs, it’s a solid choice for Bronn. The main drawbacks are that it’s far North, and that it probably has bad karma from all the skinning-people.

2. Highgarden

Now that House Tyrell has fallen, Highgarden is waiting for a new master. It’s one of the prettiest castles, with lots of food and a strategic location to boot. This would be a sound choice for Bronn to spend his retirement. The ghost of Olenna Tyrell might even approve, since Bronn is a straight-shooter just like she was. As Jaime mentioned, though, it is a strategic target. Dany still has two dragons.

3. Storm’s End

There’s still one remaining member of House Baratheon, kind of, since Gendry made a triumphant return in Season 7’s “Eastwatch.” Nonetheless, he’s a bastard. Assuming he remains a bastard and doesn’t get to rule the domain of House Baratheon, the castle is free for Bronn. It’s in a nice location in easy travel distance to King’s Landing, where his best friend Jaime Fookin’ Lannister lives. The main drawback is if Jon eventually takes the Iron Throne and legitimizes his bro Gendry, then Bronn would be out of luck.

4. Sunspear

Because Season 7 took out the Sand Snakes and Ellaria Sand, there is now a power vaccuum in Dorne. It’s one that Game of Thrones likely won’t address, since its previous efforts to depict Dorne were not a resounding success. The opulent Sunspear is presumably free for the taking. And Bronn does have an appetite for Dornish wine, Dornish drinking songs, and Dornish girls. This one might be best suited to his personality.

5. The Twins

With House Frey wiped out thanks to Arya, The Twins are presumably empty. Sure, it’s unclear exactly where Edmure Tully is, and he could presumably be in charge offscreen. Nonetheless, with Edmure actor Tobias Menzies tied up with Outlander, it’s unlikely he’ll appear again. For argument’s sake, assuming the Twins is up for grabs, it might be the best castle for Bronn. It’s got a prime location and since it’s the “twins” he gets two castles for the price of one. That might make up for the sting of losing his gold.

Game of Thrones Season 7 will air its finale episode on Sunday night at 9 p.m. Eastern on HBO.