Harry Potter and What the Hell Happened in 2015

Harry Potter isn’t dead, and it’s starting to seem like it’s not even in hibernation. In 2015 we learned more about the wizarding world’s past in teasers for the upcoming spinoff Fantastic Beasts and Where to Find Them, we’re set to find out more about Harry’s future in the play Harry Potter and the Cursed Child, and tidbits about the Potterverse abounded thanks to Twitter and J.K. Rowling’s newly revamped website Pottermore. Let’s use a Time-Turner and look back at the new revelations from this year.

We found out Hogwarts is tuition-free.

We learned about the Potter family and Godric’s Hollow.

According to Pottermore, Harry’s grandparents were named Fleamont and Euphemia, and they made their fortune from Sleekeazy’s Hair Potion.

“It was Fleamont who took the family gold and quadrupled it, by creating magical Sleekeazy’s Hair Potion (‘two drops tames even the most bothersome barnet’). He sold the company at a vast profit when he retired, but no amount of riches could compensate him or his wife Euphemia for their childlessness. They had quite given up hope of a son or daughter when, to their shock and surprise, Euphemia found that she was pregnant and their beloved boy, James, was born.”

We learned that J.K. Rowling feels uncomfortable when her characters grow up.

Matthew Lewis, a.k.a. Neville Longbottom, had a somewhat racy photoshoot that made waves all over the internet. Neville is no longer a bucktoothed little boy with a runaway toad and an oozing cactus. Get your mind out of the gutter, that’s not a euphemism, remember the Mimbulus Mimbletonia? Now, we’ve known Nevill is a G and the real asskicking hero of the story for a while now.

But it turns out battle prowess is different than nudity, and when the photos made their way to J.K. Rowling, she felt a little awkward.

We found out we’ve been pronouncing Voldemort’s name wrong.

In a shocking plot twist, we’re not supposed to say the “t.” This changes everything. Next we’re going to find out Crumple-Horned Snorkacks aren’t real.

We found out your dreams are crushed if you’ve been hoping for Potter on Ice.

We got a slightly better explanation for Harry’s son Albus Severus’s terrible name.

Slightly. What about Regulus Black? He’s got nobody left to perpetuate the line, but R.A.B did just as much as Snape to secretly help the cause.

Kreacher’s sobs came in great rasps now; Harry had to concentrate hard to understand him. And he ordered Kreacher to leave without him. And he told Kreacher to go home and never to tell my Mistress what he had done but to destroy the first locket. And he drank all the potion and Kreacher swapped the lockets and watched … as Master Regulus … was dragged beneath the water …’”

Where’s the name-recognition respect for Regulus, huh?

We found out Harry’s son James was sorted into Gryffindor.

Obviously James Sirius is a Gryffindor, could he be anything else with that legacy? We’ll have to see about Ron and Hermione’s equally terribly named kids, though. And all bets are off for Albus Severus the probable Slytherin.

We found out Voldemort pales in comparison to Donald Trump.

We found out Hagrid can’t make a Patronus.

Yes, that’s right: The guys who originally introduced Harry to the wizarding world way back in the day can’t even produce a Patronus of his own. Everyone can go cry now.

We found out J.K. Rowling is a little bloodthirsty in life as well as fiction.

When Neville and Malfoy traded Potter-related Twitter insults about their favorite sports teams, it warmed Rowling’s conflict-loving heart.

We found out J.K. Rowling isn’t invited to her own character’s birthday parties.

How rude.

We found out there is, in fact, going to be more to the story after “Nineteen Years Later.”

With Fantastic Beast and Where to Find Them set to surpass the original Potter films when it comes out next year, 2016 is only looking brighter. Who knows what we might find out in the future of a series that never dies.