Racist 'Star Wars' Fans Call for 'Force Awakens' Boycott, Fail Miserably

A thing happened on Twitter Monday where a handful of paranoid racists tweeting from parents’ basements across the galaxy urged fellow white cinema patrons to boycott the new J.J. Abrams’ seventh Star Wars movie. The reason:

And as it turns out, a more diverse Star Wars cast isn’t just about excluding whites, guys! There is a far more nefarious game afoot:

Wait. White genocide?

Well, let’s keep an open mind here. Maybe they have a point? Lucasfilm released some early anti-white propaganda in the form of a cast photo from a table reading. And as you can see, there are barely any white folks in the …

… oh.

Apparently by “diversity-in-the-form-of-white-genocide” they meant John Boyega (hint: he’s the black dude), whose character Finn joins Lando Calrissian and Mace Windu as the only three actual black people in a fictional universe of billions and billions of sentient beings.

In fairness to the “Star Wars as a tool of white extermination” crowd, Lucas and co. have stealthy and slyly been slipping in black actors and actresses (well, an actress) for years: James Earl Jones famously voiced Darth Vader, in Return of the Jedi Femi Taylor played a slave dancer Jaba the Hutt feeds to a Rancor, Ahmad Best did the cringe-worthy vocal work for Jar-Jar Binks, and of course Tony Cox who played a nameless Ewok.

For those keeping score, that’s three actual black people, one incredibly unfortunate CGI alien, an Ewok-extra, Darth Vader’s respirator, and a slave-turned-Rancor’s snack.

Of course director J.J. Abrams, apparently the Hollywood Jew Cabal’s new head of “White Gentile Extinction Through Blockbuster Film Franchises,” snuck in Lupita Nyong’o as CGI-rendered alien space pirate Maz Kanata. Also, Maisie Richardson-Sellers will reportedly play a minor character named Korr Sella, and a cursory scanning of IMDb shows potentially three more black actors in extra roles.

Amen, sister! Not only has J.J. Abrams almost doubled the black participation of the past six films (we’re at a grand total of 12 black performers, including the three extras), the rumor is the cast might include a handful of Asians, a Latino or two, and gasp maybe even a couple of folks of Middle-Eastern heritage.

Terrifying shit, man.

This isn’t the first time Hollywood casting minorities in the roles of fictional characters has made Racist Twitter’s collective heads explode. There was similar “outrage” when Amandla Stenberg was cast as Rue in the Hunger Games, Micheal B. Jordan was cast as Johnny Storm in the most recent Fantastic Four movie, and even when it was rumored the new Spider-Man film might feature Miles Morales instead of Peter Parker.

By now, this particular dichotomy of an internet meltdown is amply documented. There is a segment (albeit a small one) of tin-foil-hatted true believers who honestly think having more than one token minority actor in a Hollywood film is the harbinger of the Caucasian Apocalypse. That paranoia is then amplified when dedicated groups of internet trolls swarm, hoping that by echoing whatever the nonsense du jour is, they can sit back and watch the interwebs burn with righteous fury.

White friends, I promise I’ll try to help as many of you flee this impending white genocide as I can, but please oh please take this dude’s advice and don’t fund your own extinction:

And rightfully so, Twitter users spent the rest of the afternoon “reclaiming” (Twitter-ese for “dragging the holy bejeezus out of silly racists”) the offending hashtag.

Through it all, good news emerged on two fronts. First, white genocide is not a real thing. Yes, it caused quite the stir, but frankly, I can’t think of a more deserving cause to be lampooned for an afternoon on social media (or the rest of eternity, depending on your stamina level). Second, with the shocked awe that followed its trailer’s release, Star Wars VII pre-sold enough tickets to literally break the internet in an infinitely more awesome way than the trolls had in mind. That teapot-tempest of racist garbage you hear is still buzzing, but faintly, from the bottom of the dustbin of history.