Every weird, existential question in the ‘Pokémon Mystery Dungeon’ quiz

Nintendo hosted a Pokémon-centric Direct on January 9, and the major reveal was the upcoming expansions for Sword and Shield. But old-school fans were also hyped to hear that Game Freak has been hard at work on a remake of Pokémon Mystery Dungeon: Red Rescue Team and Blue Rescue Team. In further proof that developers are totally oblivious to the idea that headlines have character count restrictions, the rebooted game will be called Pokémon Mystery Dungeon Rescue Team DX, and comes to the Switch in early March.

The demo is available now on the Nintendo eShop, and it kicks off with a throwback to one of the cherished elements of the Mystery Dungeon subseries: a quiz to determine which Pokémon you’ll play as. You’ll need to answer nine questions, eight of which are chosen at random from a pool of about 30. The ninth question will always be: “Do you want to play as a boy or a girl?”

Some of questions are pretty basic icebreakers, but others will definitely make you do a double take. Is Nintendo concerned about my mental health? What kind of maniac would go bungee jumping after watching the cord snap? What the fudgicles is a “pitfall trap?”

Here’s a list of the questions you might come across in the new Mystery Dungeon quiz.

Quiz questions in Mystery Dungeon Rescue Team DX

It’s the summer holidays! Where would you like to go?

• The beach!
• Spas.
• Anywhere.

You come across a treasure chest. How do you react?

• Open it right away!
• No… Could be a trap…
• It’s going to be empty…

You win a lottery! What do you do with the money?

• Spend it now.
• Save it.
• Give it away.

How quickly do you respond to a text?

• Reply right away.
• May reply, may not.
• Too much trouble.

The road forks to the right and left. You are told there is a treasure on the right side. What do you do ?

• Instantly go right.
• It’s a trap! Go left.
• Whichever! Choose on a whim.

Are you a cheerful personality?

• Yes.
• No.

Do you like to fight?

• Yes.
• No.

Do others tell you to watch what you say?

• Yes.
• No.

Do others often call you childish?

• Yes.
• No.

Do you hate to be the last person to leave class at the end of a school day?

• Yes.
• No.

On vacation outings, you want to…

• Go alone.
• Go with others.

When the going gets tough, do you get going?

• Yes.
• No.

Do you often yawn?

• Yes.
• No.

Do you get the feeling that you’ve slowed down lately?

• Yes.
• No.

Do you like pranks?

• Yes.
• No.

Do you like groan-inducing puns?

• Love them!
• A little.
• Spare me.

What do you do with your room’s light when you’re going to bed at night?

• Leave it on.
• Turn it off.

Somebody calls you “weird but funny.” How does that make you feel?

• Happy.
• Not happy.

Your friend is being bullied! What do you do?

• Face up to the bully.
• Caution the bully from afar.
• Heckle the bully from behind.

A delinquent is harassing someone on the street! What will you do?

• Help without hesitation.
• Help, even if scared.
• Call the police.
• Do nothing out of fear.

Can you go into a haunted house?

• No problem!
• Uh… N-no…
• With someone I like.

Do you like to noisily enjoy yourself with others?

• Yes.
• No.

Do you feel lonesome when you are alone?

• Yes.
• No.

You broke a rotten egg in your room! What will you do?

• Open a window right away.
• Take a sniff first.

Are there many things that you would like to do?

• Yes.
• No.

Your country’s leader is in front of you. How do you speak to him or her?

• Speak calmly.
• Speak nervously.
• WHATEVER!!

Have you ever made a pitfall trap?

• Yes.
• No.

You’re going bungee jumping for the first time. Since it’s scary, you decide to test the jump with a doll… The bungee cord snaps! Will you still try to make a jump anyway?

• Yes.
• No.

Do you think you are cool? Be honest.

• Yes.
• No.

Grab any digit on your left hand with your right hand. Which digit did you grab?

• Thumb.
• Index finger.
• Middle finger.
• Ring finger.
• Little finger.

Final Question: Do you want to play as a boy or a girl?

• Boy.
• Girl.

If you don’t like the option delivered by your quiz, select no when prompted “Is that correct?” You’ll have the option to select any of the 16 starter Pokémon you prefer, though your Nature (Brave, Jolly, etc) will remain as determined by your responses.

Every starter Pokémon in Mystery Dungeon Rescue Team DX

Top row:

Cyndaquil (Fire)

Totodile (Water)

Pikachu (Electric)

Mudkip (Water)

Treeko (Grass)

Middle row:

Psyduck (Water)

Chikorita (Grass)

Charmander (Fire)

Bulbasaur (Grass / Poison)

Torchic (Fire)

Cubone (Ground)

Bottom row:

Machop (Fighting)

Eevee (Normal)

Squirtle (Water)

Skitty (Normal)

Meowth (Normal)

Pokémon Mystery Dungeon Rescue Team DX comes to Nintendo Switch on March 6.