5 must-hear truth bombs from Freddie Prinze Jr' epic Star Wars rant

Actor Freddie Prinze Jr., who you might know from She’s All That and/or Scooby-Doo, has a lot of things to say about Star Wars. Lots. With cursing. Sensitive ears, beware what’s ahead.

On Jeff Dye’s Friendship Podcast way back in May 2019, Prinze Jr. appeared as a guest to talk about, I kid you not, everything. From his career in movies to video games to his stint as a writer for WWE (which grew out of his personal fandom for wrestling), Prinze Jr. offers a rare perspective into the making of some of the most popular entertainment out there.

But an expletive-filled rant aimed at the white dudes railing against modern Star Wars is what’s making Prinze Jr. go viral. Though the episode was recorded and released back in May, a video of the podcast was released on Instagram by Jeff Dye’s Friendship’s podcast network, All Things Comedy just yesterday. And it instantly went viral.

Drawing a line from what Prinze Jr. calls “Fan Entitlement Syndrome,” which can be found in everything from WWE to the Sonic the Hedgehog movie, Prinze Jr. finally arrives at Star Wars, where he really lets loose. It should be noted that Prinze Jr. has some authority on the saga, as the voice of Jedi Knight Kanan Jarrus on the popular animated series Star Wars Rebels.

Here are five truth bombs about the Star Wars universe from one Star Wars actor. To listen to Prinze Jr.’s entire rant, start at 62:30 on the episode.

5. “You’re just pissed off that Han Solo gave the fucking Millennium Falcon to a girl.”

Early into his rant, Prinze Jr. goes hard into aging Star Wars fans who gripe that the new movies don’t cater to them specifically. You know the types: Guys well into their 30s who wish Luke Skywalker was still the hero of the galaxy because Luke was who they projected everything about themselves into.

Well, Prinze Jr. offers up this revelation:

“You’re just mad the franchise isn’t aging with you. But that ain’t how it works. The first one was for fucking kids. The second three were for different fucking kids. And this one is for kids. You’re just pissed off that Han Solo gave the fucking Millennium Falcon to a girl.”

4. “Luke Skywalker is Sleeping Beauty”

While Prinze Jr. treads “Rey is a Mary Sue” waters, he also argues Luke Skywalker is a fairy tale protagonist in plain sight. He’s a chosen one figure who kind of just gets it all, with little to no conflict (at least until the sequels).

Says Prinze Jr.:

“Luke Skywalker is Cinderella or Sleeping Beauty. Okay? He can talk to things that don’t speak English, and understand what they’re fucking saying. He gets a fairy godfather instead of a fairy godmother who teaches him to be the best Jedi in the world in no time fucking flat.”

3. “The Force dictates who wins and loses.”

Even 40 years later, the Force is still shrouded in a lot of mystery. The specifics as to how it all works is vague — in Star Wars: The Last Jedi, we straight up see the burning of the ancient Jedi books and meant to take it as a good thing.

But unlike most Star Wars fans, Prinze Jr. has worked closely with Dave Filoni, a prominent producer and director on several Star Wars projects including Star Wars: The Clone Wars and Star Wars Rebels. And because Filoni was “taught” by George Lucas himself, Prinze Jr. is confident he has a firmer grasp on the mythology than even your most dedicated fan.

Which is why Prinze Jr. thinks “video games have fucked people up on what the Force is.” As he tells it on the podcast:

“I know more about the Force than most people because Dave Filoni taught me and George Lucas taught him. All these video games have fucked people up on what the Force is. Luke’s skill doesn’t dictate whether he wins or loses. The Emperor doesn’t dictate whether he wins or loses. The Force dictates who wins and loses based on balance. And here’s the quick version I had to explain it to all these people who fucking think they get to decide.

“Palpatine and Yoda are the smartest two. Palpatine clearly smarter because Yoda was blind to the power of the dark side and the seduction of Anakin. So let’s talk about the seduction of Anakin fucking Skywalker for a second. If the Emperor was the smartest dude in the universe, and knows that the Force dictates this, if he kills who he sees as a rival, Anakin, then he knows the Force is just going to fucking correct that. The Emperor knows this. These are George Lucas’ words, not mine, so fuck you if you think you disagree with me. Straight up.

So the Emperor knows that. Instead of killing Anakin, what does he do? he seduces Anakin. To double the strength of the Dark Side. So what does the force do? It balances us. How? It gives us twins. Luke and Leia. Two and fucking two. Balance. And if you look at the movie through just that simple perspective, you will not only know why every single bad guy loses and every single good guy loses, you’ll know who’s going to win and lose in the next fucking movies. I can tell you, I just don’t want to wreck it.”

2. “There is no Jack Bauer” / Darth Maul is a “loser”

Despite the intricacies of the Star Wars mythology, it really is just good versus evil in the most classical definition. It’s an adaptation of Greek myth, which Prinze Jr. insists fans study if they actually want to know Star Wars.

“There is no Jack Bauer in Star Wars,” Prinze Jr. colorfully says on the saga’s character archetypes. “That character doesn’t exist. It’s not Han Solo, Han Solo is a reluctant hero. That’s the archetype.”

Prinze Jr. then rips into every dude’s fave, Darth Maul:

“Darth Maul, who everybody wants to win, he’s [your] favorite because he looks sick and he’s great in the video games. Fuck you guys! He’s Sisyphus! He is born to fail! Learn your Greek mythology like, I don’t know, George Lucas fucking did! He’s cursed to roll a boulder up the hill only to roll it to the bottom again every single time again for eternity. That is Darth Maul’s quest. He’s in on the joke, you guys. He knows it. He’s just cursed to live that life. Again, not my opinion. George Lucas’. So go fuck yourself if you disagree.”

1. “You don’t get to level up.”

Finally, Prinze Jr. ends his rant by arguing how much video games have distorted what growth means in a story like Star Wars. He says:

“You don’t get to level up in the Star Wars world. That’s a fucking video game. There’s no such thing as a gray Jedi. Qui-Gon even says, ‘I turn towards the Light because it’s there.’ There’s no gray! That’s pretend fan fiction shit, which is cool but don’t try to canonize it because it doesn’t work and I’m never gonna buy it. Ever. Star Wars is for fucking kids.”

At the end of his three-minute rant, Prinze Jr. lets loose the most true statement he could ever say. On his intensity and language, he only says: “I used to write promos for wrestlers.”

Is he right?

After his rant, Prinze Jr. himself says that art is subjective and subject to one’s understanding of the world. It’s fine if you don’t like a movie like Star Wars: The Last Jedi, because someone else in the world definitely does.

What Prinze Jr. is more enraged by is fans’ overall failure to grasp the bigger picture themes of the Skywalker Saga. Fans, being obsessive by nature, sweat the details over canon when Yoda himself would argue to chill out and go with the flow. Arguing whether or not Leia was actually capable of using the Force (yes) or why Rey is so capable at learning it (because) muddles what Lucas only wanted to tell in the first place: A story of good versus evil.

Star Wars: The Rise of Skywalker will be released in theaters on December 20.