Obi-Wan isn't the chosen one and Rey Isn't a Kenobi in 'Star Wars 9'

As we inch closer and closer to the release date of Star Wars: The Rise of Skywalker, fan theories increasingly become like the Resistance fleet in The Last Jedi, blown to smithereens one by one as the First Order closes in. Not every leak or kooky fan theory can actually happen in Episode IX, so let’s vaporize a few really quick. Every since 2015, fans have floated the idea that Rey is “really” related to Obi-Wan Kenobi and now that fan theory got an extra dose of crazy with the idea that Obi-Wan Kenobi could be the real fabled Chosen One and not anybody named Skywalker.

But. I’m not having it. Rey being a Kenobi would be a terrible move for Rise of Skywalker, and there’s also no way that Obi-Wan Kenobi is the Chosen One. Here’s why.

Rey’s accent doesn’t mean she’s related to Obi-Wan

Regional accents in Star Wars are pretty weird. Remember when Princess Leia slipped into the Queen’s English when she burned Grand Moff Tarkin in the original film? Some fans think this was Leia kind of mocking him on purpose, but it’s just not clear. Why some Star Wars characters have accents that correspond directly to accents we hear on Earth can certainly be explained by Star Wars canon, but that doesn’t mean it makes any rational sense. Specifically when it comes to fan theories about Rey being related to Obi-Wan Kenobi. Accents are not transferred genetically in our galaxy, and I don’t think that’s how it works in a galaxy far, far away either. Plus, if we’re using Rey’s accent as proof she’s related to another Star Wars character with the same accent, then we could just as easily say Rey General Hux’s cousin, or you know, the granddaughter of Grand Moff Tarkin.

Obi-Wan probably doesn’t have any kids

Though Obi-Wan was famously(?) in love with the Duchess Satine in The Clone Wars, she was very clearly killed by Darth Maul, making the likelihood of her having had a secret Kenobi child really unlikely. So, if Rey is his descendent, we’re in murky territory of figuring that whole family tree. Now, in fairness, there is an Obi-Wan Kenobi show coming, which, could, in theory, be all about Obi-Wan fathering a secret family (is he like Don Draper now?) but that seems like a long-shot. Plus, would the Rise of Skywalker really present a plot twist that will be retroactively explained in a TV show that’s not coming out for another two years? I mean, I know the first Star Wars movie ever was really the fourth Star Wars movie, but I feel like this kind of out-of-order stuff is just going too far.

Rey is probably the chosen one

Recently, the idea that Obi-Wan is the real Chosen One was floated around the internet and the evidence was mostly the idea that he is just really resilient. Relevantly, Obi-Wan is resilient because he’s a hugely important character in these films, but if that slightly dull Doylist explanation doesn’t sit right, here’s the Watsonian perspective: Obi-Wan is powerful with the Force because he had the best teachers that gave him a balanced perspective. Yoda was a little conservative, but Qui-Gon Jinn was a little rock and roll. Obi-Wan has a diverse view of the Force, which is probably why he lasted so long.

As for the identity of the Chosen One, it seems like it used to be Anakin, but after the Force got unbalanced again (which Luke admits to in The Last Jedi) a new Chosen One is needed. These movies are about Rey. If the Force is going to get balanced and a Chosen One is even a thing anymore, Rey is our only hope. You don’t need the last name Kenobi (or Skywalker) to be someone’s only hope. You just need to be rad.

Star Wars: The Rise of Skywalker (Not Kenobi!) is out everywhere on December 20, 2019