Pornhub Just Revealed the Internet's New, Ideal Breasts

As a person who has breasts, I’ve always been haunted by a line in Shakira’s 2001 single, “Whenever Wherever.” On a track about her devotion to some guy, she sings, “Lucky that my breasts are small and humble so you don’t confuse them with mountains.” Imagine being a thirteen-year-old girl with newly minted breasts, hearing that lyric on the radio while riding in the car with your parents, and being left alone for years wondering whether your breasts were humble or mountainous.

Luckily for all my fellow breast-owners, Pornhub has just published a full look at search data regarding breast size. No longer do I have to wonder what the average porn viewer thinks of tits my size — and neither do you.

According to Pornhub Insights, though searches for small and large breasts have switched in popularity many times since 2013, we have now embarked on the age of small breasts in porn. The difference between users searching for small breasts over “huge tits” is the most dramatic it’s ever been.

In addition to that data, Pornhub Insights also realized a look at searches for fake vs. natural breasts. It seems that, like small vs. large, the tables have turned dramatically in recent years, and natural breasts have been in favor among the horny since April 2015.

Pornhub adds, “It’s men who are 32% more likely to search for breast related terms when compared to women,” and points out that the older men get, the more interested they seem in breast size. Also, no southern states were high in the rankings for “most obsessed with breasts” (perhaps Neil Young’s “Southern Man” is more of an “ass man”), and the states most interested in breast-related porn are Wisconson, Minnesota, Oregon, and Utah.

As far as global breast-related data goes, the United States hilariously ranks highest in searches for both large and small breasts, which means America just loves boobs, no matter the size.

See also: The Funniest ‘Right in Front of my Salad’ Porn Memes