So um, David Hasselhoff is on the soundtrack for Guardians of the Galaxy Vol. 2 — and he’s rapping. And to the surprise of virtually everyone, it’s incredible, in a totally un-ironic way. Put on your headphones and crank the volume to eleven: This is how you kick off the weekend.
In “Guardians Inferno,” the 14th track on Guardians of the Galaxy: Awesome Mix, Vol. 2, the former Knight Rider joins “The Sneepers” (a fake band named after some aliens from the comics) for a funky, galactic rap about how cool it is being Star-Lord. It’s one big homage to Mesco’s disco cover of the Star Wars theme, and you can practically see all the colors of the galaxy with the song’s big beats and campy mood.
The song, as Rolling Stone details, was co-written by composer Tyler Bates and director James Gunn, who chose Hasselhoff because he’s one of Star-Lord’s childhood heroes. They should also be extremely proud they managed to rhyme “procyon lotor” — a scientific name for “raccoon” — with “motor” and “sequoia” (a type of redwood tree) with “Oh Boy-a.” Amazing. The Academy should just hand them Best Original Song for next year’s Oscars right now.
Also, not that the identity of Star-Lord’s father is still a mystery, but the lyrics, “I didn’t learn parenting / My daddy was a planet,” refers to Kurt Russell’s Ego, who is, in fact, a living planet and the father of Star-Lord.
Listen to “Guardians Inferno” below. (Lyrics at the bottom!)
Getting down and dirty with a procyon lotor
Got no people skills but he’s good with motors
That weird thing by his side an infantilized sequoia
The two of them walk by, people say “Oh Boy-a”
They ask me why I’m bringin’
A baby into battle
“That’s really irresponsible”
And getting them rattled
I say, “Give me a break
Get off my back, damn it!
I didn’t learn parenting
My daddy was a planet!”
In these times of hardship
Just remember:
We are Groot!
Guardians of the Galaxy Vol. 2 will be released in theaters on May 5.
