Entertainment

John Oliver Picks February 2, 2017 as the Day to Remind Party Leaders the Primaries Suck

Will we end the nightmare on Groundhog's Day?

by Adam Toobin

There are a lot of things wrong with the election system but the worst thing, as John Oliver discovered on Sunday’s Last Week Tonight, is the convoluted system of primaries and caucuses that we go through: It’s “an erratic cluster-fuck every four years.”

Put simply, it’s possible to get less votes than your opponent and still win a primary or caucus because the system gives more weight to delegates — high-profile members of the party whose votes carry more weight than yours. (Sorry!)

As Oliver put it, party leaders do seem to treat voters like “a parent treats a kid with a toy lawn mower: ‘Great job, Billy. You did it all on your own. Now, step aside. Daddy’s coming through.’”

So when in November, America chooses between “Donald Trump, America’s walking, talking brush fire, and, in all likelihood, Hillary Clinton, the woman who exhibits either too much or too little of every human quality depending on who you ask,” it may feel like we’re going to Friendly’s and choosing from a menu of “unappetizing options,” but those were the ones we picked through the process.

"To be fair, in theory, the [parties] could give the nomination to whichever candidate comes first alphabetically," Oliver said.

But “If everyone is as angry as they say are right now, let’s pick a date early next year to actually write an email to the chair of each party to remind them politely to fix this,” Oliver suggests. “I propose February 2.”

“Now that will be easy to remember, because it’s Groundhog Day, which does seem appropriate, because unless this primary process is fixed, we are all destined to live through the same nightmare scenario over and over again until the end of fucking time.”