The Canadian Dollar Is Plunging. So What Canadian Shit Should You Buy?
It's trading between 60 percent and 70 percent of the U.S. dollar's value. Let's go shopping.
The loonie — did you even know Canada had a sweet name like that for its dollar? — is tanking. Canadians are worried, but hoping its comparative value to the U.S. dollar — about 68 cents to our dollar right now, down nearly a third in three years — will entice its neighbors to the south to do some cheap vacationing. So, if you’re taking the family station wagon from Detroit to Toronto or Boston to Quebec City, what should you load up on?
Beer
When I went to Montreal for spring break my freshman year of college, we got blotto. One of my compatriots even had a two-day bout of alcohol poisoning. It was partially because we weren’t 21 yet and it was legal up yonder. But, the bleary-eyed booze fever also took hold because Canadians pack alcohol into their beer like clowns into a car. It’s like it’s a contest to see what beer is more manly — from Molson Export to Unibroue. (They also, hilariously, love forties in Canada.) My go-to is Labatt’s Blue: It makes you feel like you’re a lumberjack-turned-hockey player when you’re holding one. You aren’t allowed to shave for at least four days before consuming one. Buy it all up. Drink it up. Lose eyesight briefly, like my friend Chris did.
Whiskey
Same.
Maple syrup
So, now, you’re thinking: This list is going to be a bunch of stereotypical nonsense. Yep, probably! Maple syrup is delicious and Canada has tons of that sweet, sweet sap. Pour it on pancakes, pizza, a log from a maple tree, whatever. Canadian youths are known to pound the Grade A stuff, usually after knocking back a large quantity of whiskey or beer or schnapps. It’s weird how many hangovers are mourned with the line, “We shouldn’t have done those maple syrup shots.”
Oh, Canada
A Montreal Canadiens sweater
The Habs are the oldest team in the game, son. Gotta come correct in the States with a fresh jersey to let everyone know that, yes, you are now that annoying friend who is really into hockey and/or soccer.
A car
One of Canada’s main exports is the automobile. And with that glorious exchange rate you’ll go a long way to offset any of those high taxes they like up there. Go with the Mercedes B200, which you can’t buy in the United States. It’ll set you back a piddling $25,000 U.S.
A Justin Trudeau poster to frame and place above your bed
Dayyyuum, am I right?
Poutine from Burger King
Yep, the King sells fries smothered in cheese and gravy in Canada. You can surely find better examples of the dish, but why would you want to? You go to France for Le Royale Cheese from McDonald’s. You go to Canada for the poutine from BK.
One of those Canadian flag pins so when you travel abroad people won’t think you come from the same country as Trump
Canadians travel a lot and they all pop that maple leaf on their backpacks. Pick one up today!
