Louis Vuitton's face shield protects you from COVID-19, poor people

Louis Vuitton's Cruise Collection was already packed with enough irony, named for the brain numbingly all-inclusive form of vacationing that helped usher in the horror of COVID-19. And now the collection's latest iteration, slated for 2021, puts forth an accessory meant to combat the very same pandemic: a monogram-embellished face shield.

The monogram leather Cruise face shield is too rich, in every sense of the word. Louis Vuitton's signature canvas lines the protective plastic shield as well as defining the headband it's attached to.

According to Highsnobiety, it's a "must-have" accessory and an item that an indeterminate "we" will be buying. Never mind that few people in media — or any of the people most likely to be financially strained by the pandemic — could actually afford it. It's more fun to pretend that the person who could wear this isn't sitting on a gross lump of wealth that allows them to weather or even profit off the coronavirus while the rest of us suffer.

If it's $1,800, why that's just 1.5 stimulus checks.

PPE packed with symbolism — Neither a release date nor a price tag has been set for Louis Vuitton's face shield, but it's hard to imagine it won't fall somewhere in the thousands. And if the French luxury house can sell out of a set of straws with a monogram carrying case for $1,300, there's no reason not to think an even more gaudy face shield will be snatched up by the one percent.

Those who do can set out into the world knowing their face is protected and that they'll be served by a class forced to return to work at the risk of their life and health. Whatever the price tag ends up being, we should think of it in terms of the single stimulus check doled out in the United States. If it's $1,800, why that's just 1.5 stimulus checks.

Upon further inspection, you'll notice black detailing in the headband's trim and hardware. Black Louis Vuitton buttons fasten the piece together, but the tiny text may as well read "Stop being poor." I actually encourage the wealthy to wear this face shield prominently, that way they're easier to spot and be rounded up for the guillotine.